21
Mar
2010

Raising Great Kids Pt. 2
We Are Family
Written by Pastor Eddie   
In this blog, I am going to go into Pt. 2 of Raising Great Kids.  Look in your bibles at Proverbs 22:6. In Raising Great Kids, I said that as parents, we needed first fear the Lord, walk in His ways and we would be blessed, our wife and our house would be fruitful and our children would be as “olive shoots” anointed and powerful. 

When we train up our children in the way that they should go, we end up with children that even when they are older, they will not depart from the training that they have received.  So how do we train them?  One of the best ways we can train our children is within our marriage. 

There are three critical things that as parents we can do in training our children. 1. Be United.  Never let your children see you disagree about parenting.  When your children sees you disagree, they will often times side with the parent that they believe will give in easier to their desire.  Children are very good at dividing parents.  We must be united and discuss issues that arise privately until we can come into agreement, then go to our children and give them our answer.

2. Honor Each Other.  We must never speak disparagingly about our spouse to our children or allow them to dishonor our spouses.  We defend our spouses and we insist that there is honor.  Parents, never embarrass each other in public.  Work out differences in private and show honor to one another publicly.

3. No Bad Guy.  Never let one spouse become the “bad guy” or the “hit man” of the home.  Within the family there should be an atmosphere where both parents will love and discipline the children.  I said this last week, everything we do as parents, our children see and pick up on.  They are always watching and they will emulate what they see in you.  The truth is we are training up our children in whatever way we are presently doing now.

We need to ask ourselves is what I am doing now in my training, the way I want my kid to go?
Here is another aspect of training.  1 Corinthians 15:33 Negative influences will undo the good training you are trying to instill into your children.  We cannot be deceived in this area.  No one has the right to play with or take of your children; whether or not they are your relatives, friends or peers if they are not going to represent the values and parameters that you uphold in your home.

As a parent, you don’t allow your children to play or associate with rebellious children or those kids that you know will have a negative influence on your child.  If you child is the influenced child and not the influencer, you guard that child.  Monitor what your children are exposed to; TV, movies, music.  Again does the media that your children engage in hold to the values that you are trying to instill in their lives.  Especially while they are young, ensure that the values going into them are the values that you want and approve of.  

Here is the bottom line, children are looking for their parents to meet their basic needs, however, if a parent won’t provide that they will find it somewhere else.  As a parent our mandate is to raise up our children to be instilled with the truths and values of the Word of God.  We are to show our children Jesus and show them how to get their needs met through Him, while at the same time being the vessel that God uses to meet their basic needs.  The sad truth is that many parents do not go the Jesus for themselves.

The needs that your children have are very basic yet crucial to their development as Godly sons and daughters of Jesus Christ.  1. Acceptance.  We communicate acceptance to our children when we make eye contact, physical affection and verbal affirmation.  Children gravitate to people that will praise them.  Negative words and criticism causes a child to close his spirit off to his parents and become bitter towards them.  Correction must be done in an atmosphere of love and affirmation.  We build up not tear down.

2. Purpose.  Children need responsibilities that are obviously age appropriate.  We are to show them that they have purpose in the family.  God specifically created them to be a part of the family and to function as a major piece of the family unit.  Yes, the bed May not be perfectly made at 7-10 years of age, thats ok.  The responsibility that they will gain will carry over into their teens and adult life.

Teens should not have everything provided for them without responsibility -- we leave these guys idle and they are headed for danger.  They will begin to shape and mold themselves by the people that are around them most of the time… their peers. 

Which leads to number 3. Identity.  We encourage our children to be honest and open with individual expression.  We need to help them to understand and be allowed to possess his or her own identity and help them to discover their own unique gifts.  This will mean that we also don’t try and make our kids live out our own frustrated dreams.

Finally, 4. Security.  This goes back to mom and dad being in the right place within their marriage.  Happy parents create a secure environment for the children to thrive.  Praying for your children, out loud and with them brings peace and affirmation.  Then as they grow you lead them to Jesus and teach them that He will meet their needs as they develop their own relationship with Him.

As they walk through and experience acceptance, purpose, find their identity and security, it will require times where they experience parameters and discipline.  

Ephesians 6:1-4 These parameters need  to be clearly defined, fair, protective and they must have rules that are accompanied by an active, loving relationship.  Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.  Depending on the age of the child the person handling the discipline, mom’s might have dad handle spanking.  Which by the way is encouraged throughout the Word of God.  I know that spanking can be seen as controversial or barbaric, however, I am speaking of as a means to redirect and change inward attitudes, not beating.  

This is always done in private, never to physically harm; it is followed by affirmation, prayer and a verbal forgiveness.  For some, you may ground them; or withdraw privileges; add responsibilities or have them repent to the person that was wronged and or repair damage that may have occurred.  All of these pieces come together as a biblical means to raising up Great Kids and setting them up on a path to see, discover and walk out their destiny in God.

As parents, when we are united; when we honor one another and we begin to employ the basic needs of every child, the Holy Spirit will direct every step.  We have an entire generation in the balance and it is up to us as parents to make sure that we do not stumble on our watch.
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